


it's always been you

by ayumihayashi



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Angst, Character Death, Death, Hanahaki Disease, M/M, One-Sided Love, Short One Shot, Unrequited Love, im sorry
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-04
Updated: 2019-05-04
Packaged: 2020-02-21 14:52:14
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 481
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18704557
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ayumihayashi/pseuds/ayumihayashi
Summary: Youngho was dying, on the inside and on the outside. He couldn’t decide what was killing him faster the roses in his lungs or Jaehyun.





	it's always been you

**Author's Note:**

> I'm sorry, I usually don't write angst but I felt kinda sad today and yeah, after 5 years I wrote angst.

Youngho knew.  
  
He knew he shouldn't be in love with him, he shouldn't be in love with his best friend, but what can he do when said best friend was everything Youngho ever wanted?  
  
His soft smile with his precious dimples that Youngho loved to poke just to hear the younger laugh, his laugh was adorable too. The way Jaehyun liked to act cute despite his strong and manly physical appearance.  
Youngho liked cute thing, but he didn't liked Jaehyun, no, he _loved_ him and that was the problem.  
  
Jaehyun and Taeyong were happy, so _happy_ Youngho couldn’t even hate them.  
  
So here he was, gasping for air in his bathroom as his lungs squeezed tight as they began sharing their fragile space with delicate petals, making him cry out to take in enough air.  
  
He feels tears slipping out of the corners of his eye as he clutches at his shirt, his chest, his throat, _his heart. It hurts so bad._  
  
Youngho sinks to the floor, gripping his hair tightly as he contemplates his choices. Does he run or does he wait for death to claim him? Does he accept his fate or fight it? Choices, he’s never been good at choices anyways, not in the long run.   
  
There isn’t much of a cure for Hanahaki, because the only way he can get rid of the flowers without Jaehyun's love is to get the surgery, and that isn’t an option. He refuses to forget about his best friend, because who else would he have? What would he have left?  
  
_Better to die._  
  
He suddenly coughed violently and flowers erupted out of his mouth, a small drop of blood trickling down his lips. They were not any kind of flower, no. They were red roses, Jaehyun's favorite. He felt like the universe was mocking him. He coughed and coughed, and the red rose petals stained with blood, _his_ blood, fell down with the others on the floor. Even as he expelled some, more grew at a vengeful pace. He felt like this was going to kill him.  
  
_I deserve it_  he thought as more rose petals made their way out, hurting him so badly. They were beautiful. _Just like him._  
  
Youngho thinks of all the times they spent time together. The times where they happily laughed at some dumb jokes, the times where Jaehyun came crying to his room for some "cuddling session", the times where they _platonically_ held hands.  
  
_They meant nothing now._  
  
Youngho was dying, on the inside and on the outside. He couldn’t decide what was killing him faster the roses in his lungs or Jaehyun.  
  
_**No turning back now.**_  
  
And he died there, on the bathroom floor, surrounded by flowers. The flowers were proof of his undying love. And he was right. It was going to kill him.  
  
_I love him._  
  
Youngho should've never fallen for Jaehyun.


End file.
